Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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