i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
