Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
