Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You are the jesus of drinking
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
