The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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