I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
