Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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