Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
