I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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