I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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