billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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