he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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