If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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