i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
