He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
