Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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