guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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