im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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