Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
