living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the day after is always just damage control
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
