i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
