omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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