That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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