last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
