I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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