I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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