I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
