can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
