I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
