Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
