Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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