Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
