you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
