I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
