So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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