So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
