At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
