it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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