i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
