Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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