We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
