found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
