remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
