I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
