Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
