I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
