Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
