PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
