Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
