So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
try to milk me bitch
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