I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
