During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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