Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
