my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
