Someone shit on the floor
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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