so that wasnt chicken after all
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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