So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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